Thoughts

2009-05-20T13:41:00.000-07:00

2009-05-20T13:27:00.001-07:00

what I do

2008-11-14T02:52:00.001-08:00

I've realized lately that its more important for me what I do rather then how I feel. Now I dont feel depression, because I dont care about my feelings. And what to do is for me right now is doing the right things, like saving money, staying healthy, doing what you love and enjoy life. So, I am pretty happy, as I know what to do and can do it.

Maseuse

2008-11-03T14:02:00.001-08:00

My maseus refused me. Good riddance. She is too expensive and
unprofessional. I am not gonna do massages any more. Only if my doc
says I need. And he should give me the ones who accept insurance.

nah

2008-10-29T11:44:00.001-07:00

Nah. All these cars suck. I've been researching more, and realized that I probably want a good car in which I can relax and sleep, take a nap during work breaks. And after research its going to be either honda fit or scion tC. They both are around 15K. But its OK, because I've realized I dont really need car right now. I need to walk a lot as my doctor says. And if buy a car, then it whould be new and comfortable for naps, like Fit or TC. I plan to save for them and buy one of them someday. But for now I want to concentrate on just saving money for now.

I've been thinking what I really wanna do and realized I want to save enough money to retire. I was moving back and forth between this and other stuffs, but I've been sick for the last 3 days and staying home. Its so noisy here that I dont wanna do anything. All these people say you have to find what you love to do and do it, in order to be happy. I am already doing what I like to do - programming. Another thinf I really wanna do is save enough money to rent a boat in a quiet location and retire there. When I have this freedom to not to work, and quiet peaceful place to live, maybe then I'll realize what I really wanna do. But for now I cannot find out more then just retire ASAP in a quiet location and enjoy the quiet.

After enjoying it, I'll probably program open source software, read books, watch movies, play computer games, compose music. These are the only things that make me happy. But they arent paid for. Thats why I wanna retire ASAP. I am already doing some of them, but still, I dont live where I want and I am not completely free. I hate the feeling of waking up to a alarm clock and having to go to work. I want to wake up when I want and do what I want when I want. And retiring early, renting quiet place and working on open source software appeals to me the most. But I cannot do it in parallel to my real job, as you probably want, because I am too tired after my day job and too depressed with the noise and not having complete freedom to do it. I need to get them in order to really want to do it and have energy for it.

car

2008-10-26T20:02:00.001-07:00

Actually, according to this list:

http://www.forbesautos.com/news/headlines/2007/december/fdc121207-best-luxury-cars-for-the-money.htm

Volvo v70 is one of the best luxury cars for the buck. And I found cheap ones for 5K onthe internet

So yay! I will buy Volvo. I am a fan of luxury cars. I'll buy Volvo, then Infinity G35 or M, then lexus ES or IS, because I've spent hours researching the cars and I think Volvo->Infinity and lexus is the best order to buy luxury cars.

Coz see

2008-10-23T20:44:00.001-07:00

Coz see, I need minimum 50k/year to be relatively happy and about
extra 20k/year to save for retirement or other expenses, like car.
Right now I earn about 50k. That's why I cannot save anything. Because
being minimally happy now is more important for me then retirement.
Even if I work full 40 hrs/week, I will still be earning not enough
for happiness+savings (60k). U could probably be happy and even save a
little. But I would have to choose car or retirement. I want both. So
that's why I plan to find an extra job. I actually doing it - I am
helping my granny to open her deli store. If it's successful, I could
work there and earn twice as much as now, becase it's planned that
it's going to very profitable and my granny loves me very much. I
could even start a chain of them and become really rich. If it's not
successful, I'll find extra job. Consulting, from home development, or
even some blue collar job. I don't care. As long as it brings extra
10k, so that my 60k of full time job + 10k of extra job equals the
much needed 70k. So yay! I feel like this is a good plan. I'll stick
to it.

I could not refuse that mocha

2008-10-23T20:03:00.001-07:00

Yeah. I woke up, went to work on on the way there I stopped and
ordered mocha. I could not force myself not to buy it. Coffee and
tasty food are the only things besides movies and Internet that make
me happy. So I figures I rather move coffee to my need category. By
since I need money, I decided to sell stuff I don't need and get extra
job. I'll do it on weekends.

luxury cars

2008-10-23T00:35:00.001-07:00

I wanted to make sure that the Infinity was the best luxury car, so I googled "best luxury car" and came up with this list:

http://www.consumersearch.com/www/automotive/luxury-cars/

Obviously Infinity G35 is not the best. Its the cheapest luxury, but there are are more expensive cars, like lexus:

http://www.dieselstation.com/archive/Lexus-LS460/

And the ultimate is Mercedes-Benz S550

Shit. I cannot believe I succumbed to again to materialism. I guess, I am trying to find something in this world worth living and working for. I tried everything, from materialism to spiritualism, but didnt find anything worthy. Except luxury cars at present moment. See, they are so cool with their cool stuff, like massage chairs etc, that you feel cared for. Being in them is like being in a womb of a caring mother. I feel so good for some reason exploring interior of these cars. The ideal lines of their interior represents an ideal, and I want strive to something ideal.

So, I've decided to work hard and save more. Half of savings for retirement, other half for cars. I plan to have first the cheapest one - 5K Hundai, and then upgrade it every time I save enough for Infinity G35, then Infinity M35, Lexus LS 460 and then that Mercedes Benz.

Its hard believe for me that I went back to materialism, but I think its logical, because I tried gadget/clothing/jewellery materialism, but not car one, as I could not afford one. I got bored with gadgets, so I started to look for something non-materialistic, but could not find anything, so car materialism is the last thing that would make me happy. Besides mild happiness when watching movies or working on an exciting project.

car

2008-10-22T21:42:00.001-07:00

Now that I started saving money I've realized that maybe I'll start to think about buying cars. I googled "best car" to find out what best cars are out there to buy, and go tthis first result:

http://www.edmunds.com/reviews/bestbet/articles/

The I went to AutoTrader.com and searched for the cars they recommend. After some research I think my short term goal would be to save 5K for Hunday. Then start saving 15K for Infinity G35, because even I think about a car as just a mode of transportation, ideally I want to have the best luxury car for value, and it seems to ne G35 in that review. I am so excited about making this plan. If I stick to my $30/day savings plan, I am sure I can afford Hunday in half a year. Then I'll save another year for G35. I say a year, because I'll have 10K after a year + 5K I'll get after selling Hunday. So, just 1.5 years for the car of my dreams. And 6 months for the best car for its value. I am so excited about it. Finally, I'll be abe to afford and drive a car. I am so tired of riding a bus.

You may ask what about your plans about saving for retirement. I thought about this, but after some contemplation I decided to first enjoy life a little bit more. But I dont mean like working less and spending more, living from paycheck to paycheck. I've been living like this for almost 9 years and I got tired of it. I want to enjoy life by working more, spending less and saving more for something cool, like a good car. I've been enjoying stuff like good food, gadgets, clothes and jewelries for the last 9 years. I got tired of all that stuff. I've been wanting to buy a car more and more lately, as you probably know from my past blog entries. I dont mind eating less expensive food and having less gadgets. I got bored of all that shit. I want to sell everything I got bored with and dont need, work more, spend less, save more and finally enjoy happiness of owning a car. I dont mind working extra couple of years instead of retiring. I plan to work all my life, because I really love working in technology. So why not enjoy the life while I in the mood for it.

Saving money

2008-10-22T14:04:00.001-07:00

I had a course and the 72 yo teacher mentioned that when he was young
and had kids he chose every project they gave him. But when he became
old and kids moved out he allowed himself to choose only projects he
liked. One more smart comment about importance of having money as
freedom. I am so excited that I finally know my priorities. Today I
have 105>3*30. Yay, I'll have salmon today. But not tomorrow
obviously. It's ok, I need some kind of restraint to save a lot to
have more freedom. Btw, I decided to save a lot but to work till I
die, like that 72 yo teacher, coz I like work and hate boredom. Money
will be just to have sense of freedom.

i dont want to retire

2008-10-20T22:46:00.001-07:00

You may laugh but after some thinking Ive realized that I dont really
want to retire. I like work because it keeps me out of boredom. If I
had enough money I would probably work on developing an open source
program, like Linux, to make it better. Or creating a better cell
phones. I have a few ideas about some cool designs and features of
cell phones. If I didnt work 9-to-5, I would have more time to develop
them. I remeber you said I dont have to wait for that time. I can do
them right now, in my free time. Sounds like a plan :). I am sorry I
was all depressed today. Its probably Monday blues, or case of mondays
like they like to call it. So, I guess, I dont really want to retire,
but to do some easy, high paid job, like now, so that I can earn money
for a living and keep myself out of boredom. But I dont mind having
extra time to develop my own projects. And having extra money to
develop them.

Food

2008-10-20T14:03:00.001-07:00

I bought some tasty meaty food for 6 dollars. I realized that even if
I wanna save some money I would not be able to force myself not to buy
it but to buy some cheap 3 dollar food. I'd rather not retire at all
but eat good food. So I figured since I cannot force myself to switch
to cheaper and less tasty stuff I better not count those dollars but
just try to save as much as I can and retire. when at the same time I
want to do it and have enough money to do it. Right now I neither want
to nor can. Well, I kinds want to, but not really. Cox, what I gonna
do, you know. Work keeps me away from boredom.

Like today

2008-10-20T12:28:00.001-07:00

Like today. I woke up, all tired and sleepy, not wanting to go
anywhere or do anything. but I had to, coz I gotta work to pay my
bills. It's so sad that I have to do this stupid shit called work
every day. Like a slave. Why should I do it? Can I choose not to? What
kind of freedom is it if I cannot choose. Isn't America is all about
freedom and shit? Yes, it is. So let me choose not to work, ok. Stop
judging me and trying to fix me. I choose freedom. Not having to wake
up every day and to to work is the ultimate freedom. Freedom is my
favorite value. Let me achieve it throw working hard, spending less
and saving more, OK?

I am not sure I want to stick to that 30 dollar a day program, since
it's so hard to wake up every day and the first thing to do is to
count how much money I should save. It's easier to just work hard, buy
only what you need, not want. This way you still gonna save as much
probably and without all the counting. Well see. Or maybe I'll combine
these 2 methods. If I feel like counting, I'll count. If not, I'll not
count.

Like today. I need $30 saved, as this is my first day. I have $112 in
my account. 112>30, it means I can allow myself to have expensive food
at cafeteria. Yay!

But see, there is flaw in this. Say, I can choose to not to have
expensive food to save money. If I use don't count method, Ill have
more money, since I'll have cheap food. If I use count method, I have
to force myself to have expensive food. And have cheap food if I have
less then 30n dollars. It's so confusing. I don't know what to do.
Btw, putting away some amount in my savings account doesn't work,
because I tend to deplete my checking account to the point of paying
hundreds of dollars in overdraft fees. So that's why I choose 30n
method, this way I will not overdraft.

Anyway, I'll try to choose cheaper food anyway, even if I can afford
more expensive one. This way maybe I'll increase 30 to more money. I
just came up with 30.

Or maybe I use some another method. Like, I try to save as much and at
the en of he month I calculate how much money u saved. If it's not
enough, I'll try to save more. I don't know. Well see.

finally my life has a purpose

2008-10-19T01:03:00.000-07:00

I've been thinking a lot about what is the purpose of life and stuff and I've realized that there is none really. But I feel like I have to live for something. I need to create some artificial purpose which I can try to reach. I've been thinking bout what I can come up with and I've realized that my purpose could be be living a life that is healthy and prosperous. Healthy, because the healthiest I am the less pain I'll have in my body because of the deceases, and therefore the happier I'll be. Prosperous, because money represent freedom, security, peace of mind for me. After reading books on how to get rich, I've calculated that if I put away 10K per year in 10% mutual funds, I can comfortably retire in 15 years, when I am about 45, because I can live off the interest of mutual funds. I'll probably will not retire then, but I'll have a total happiness and peace of mind, because I'll be completely free and independent from anyone. I hate the feeling of worry when people talk about market crashes and subsequent lack of job security etc. I hate these feelings of panic, worry. I dont have other problems in my life, so these feelings are the only ones that dont make me completely happy. I'll use extra cash to buy something. I dont even know what. Maybe that Lexus that I sometimes crave. Maybe I'll travel around the world. Learn play musical instrument. Maybe I'll open some business that I wanted to open in the back of my mind. Or build a home theater. I dont even know yet. I think the next step in the hierarchy of needs after total security and independence would be perfectionism - making sure you have the best movie experience, if you like movies, drive the best car according to your values (for me its comfort, therefore I like Lexus), or just satisfying some of the other needs that you put off because you dont have enough money to do, like traveling. I'll probably go back and visit Ukraine, travel around Europe. Or not. Maybe I'll just stay here. Buy cool house near the lake or something. I dont know. We'll see. I cannot say what I'll do, because the feeling that I am not completely free prevents me from fully having those needs. I just get some little sparks of them sometimes.

I have some strategies how to save so much. One would be buying what I need, not what I want. Another is getting an extra job. Those books really helped me. I decided to put away $30/day in my checking account. And every n-th day since I started doing it, I would look into my checking account before purchasing something I WANT and if there is more then 30*n dollars, I'll buy it. If not - I'll buy what I NEED. Or I'll sell stuff I dont need any more, freeing up my apartment from clutter and buying what I want at the same time. Or find another job. If I notice that its still difficult to save $30/day with selling and extra job - I'll decrease it to like $25. If I notice its easy, I'll increase it, so that I push myself to saving more. I am so excited. I cannot wait to try this strategy.

I hope you are happy for me. Because I feel happy. See, I am a mathematician inside. And strategist, inventor and architect. I am happy when I am immersed in ideas, numbers, theories. When I try to come up with some cool idea, test it out. During this time of trying out this idea I'll do other things that I like in my free time, like watching movies, flirting with chicks, etc, so I'll still do other things that I am happy about. I just feel like I need a clear purpose in life, so that I know what to live for. Not having this pourpose makes my life meaningless to me and I even think suicidal thoughts. Not really suicidal, but like, what I am doing here, I wish I didnt exist. I dont like those thoughts, so I decided to come up with some cool purposes. Health and peace of mind seem like pretty good purposes. See, I noticed that all the time in the past I had some purpose which I used to work hard. In school it was getting As, so that I get respect from my parents and peers. In University - study hard to get a good job. When I got one - work hard to keep it and get even better job, also, work hard to get money to buy cool stuff. Now that I work at one of the best companies in the world, earning pretty good salary and bored with playing with toys, I feel like there is no more to strive for, so my life seems meaningless. I dont have procreative needs like many other people my age have. I dont have materialistic needs for some reason, probably because of my fast spiritual growth. I am not caring enough to volunteer. And I love math, freedom, peace of mind and coming up with new ideas. So, this would be like a good purpose - health and money. Let's see how it's going to work out. I'll try to document my quest here from time to time.

Market

2008-10-13T11:58:00.000-07:00

I started to become interested in stock market lately. It's fun to see
how it goes up and down, reading different theories and opinions on
why it's like this. Now that it's going up I feel so sad that I don't
have any money to buy stocks. I think I would be a succesful investor,
becaus I am smart, have great intuition and understand psychology.
Stock market is mostly about psychology. I could clearly feel that
goodle stock is going to soar when it first offered it's IPO and
regretted not having money to buy it.

I forte do sometimg. Either get an extra job or save more. I need
start to invest smart, because I need money. Mostly for the sense of
security. And having more freedom. It sucks feeling that you got only
a few hundred dollars with you and cannot do anything except continue
to work for the same company and being afraid that you'll get fired. I
wish I had a large and diversified portfolio that I can grow faster
then other investor and become rich and feel more secure and more
free. As a proof of my smartness I was always against real estate
investing when everyone said that it's the best investment you can
make. Something didn't feel right to me. I could not explain why. I
felt, rightfully so, as you can see from the RE bust, that it was
overhyped and overpriced. Besides this, it didn't feel right to put
all your eggs in one basket, for 30 years, and risking loosong it of
you loose your job. Also, lack of mobility. Liquid assets are much
more better.

tired and bored

2008-10-12T22:12:00.001-07:00

I feel tired and bored. I like spending weekends thinking about my goals, plans for the future, get away from my granny to some cafe and read some book, think about stuff. I always think that this thinking will help me to understand myself better, but the more I think about it, the more I get confused. At the end of the weekend I feel only tiredness and boredom. I feel like the best answer to most questions would be "I dont know" or "I dont care". I thought about what to do with my time, what to concentrate on, what goals to set, etc, and at the end of it all I just dont know and dont care. All these thoughts about money, how to save them, chicks, career, etc, only tire me. At the end of the day I dont feel I got a clearer view of me and my life. I feel like just doing what I do and let the streams of fate to bring me to whatever my fate/karma is.

I still didnt buy barbells. But I visited my career adviser. She tol dme what to do, but I am so passive that now that I know what to do I am OK with not doing it. I feel like knowing what to do is enough. I dont like to act on it. The same with barbells. I know what to buy, but I just dont do it. The same with career. My boss told me what to do to get full time job. I thanked him, tried to do it, but it was too hard, so I put it off. Chicks - I know what to do, I did it, but lately I've been not doing it much. I just talk to women and people whom I know enough to talk comfortably.

I feel like it's important for me to know what to do, so that if I really want it I can do it. But I prefer to not push myself to it. I like to live relaxing lifestyle, not bother with everything. But it's important for me to know what to do and to have an aim what to do and sometimes when I really want it - do it.

I dont know why I am like this. I dont know if this normal and I dont care. I'm just give you a little update on my thoughts and feelings, just in case we'll meet for another session.

The only thing that I've been able to do is to eat healthy. I eat my own home made hummus and beans at work, because my doc says to eat it. And they are tasty. If they werent I would not eat them. So, I guess this is why I procrastinate - I do stuff only if they make me happy. If not - I just wait until I feel like the stuff that I plan will make me happy and do it. I feel like almost the planets need to be aligned certain way to start doing one of my planned actions. Like with career advisor - I always planned to meet her, but for some reason it didnt feel right to do it at that time. It felt too early, or I felt like I needed to come up with more questions for her so that I can spend those $100 that she wants to the max. The same with massause and psychologists. I set up massause appointments, because at that time I felt like my back was painful enough to visit her. The same with psychologists - for some reason it felt right to visit them at the time I visited them, but now I feel that it's not right, I dont know why. Every time I think "Maybe I should set up a meeting with my psychologist again", but right after this I strongly feel like "No, it doesnt feel right, for some reason. It's too early, the timing is wrong, not enough material to talk about".

So here I am. Tired and bored. Realized that I didnt realize anything more. But a little happy that I am moving ahead one step at a time. Here is a list of the things I wanted to do and which ones I've done:
[X] Eat healthy. I dont really eat healthy always, but most of the time.
[X] Do 10K steps a day. I actually kinda stopped doing this - got tired of checking out the odomoeter every time. But I did it for like a month or so and sometimes look at the odometer.
[X] Meet career counselor and ask her what to do to improve my career.
[ ] Buy barbells and do strength training.
[ ] Move out from granny closer to work, but not too close, in a walking or bike ride distance, as I need excersise. I cannot excersise in the gym, as its too boring. I can excersise only with purposeful excersising. I need a purpose when excersizing, e.g., to get to/from work etc.
[ ] Start saving money and investing them for retirement
[ ] Buy a bike and try to travel on it as I need cardio excersizes too. I dont wanna run, as my feet cannot handle walking 10K AND running. Sitting on a bike will make less weight to my feet.
[ ] Sell stuff I dont need

3 out of 8. Not too good but not too bad either. I have a few decades to do the rest 5 :)

If you wanna be all strict about it, then I dont do any of them. I dont know what this makes me. Very passive individual? Procrastinating? Weak will? I dont know and I dont care. It's your problems, as you are a psychologist :P. I am too lazy to think about this and do anything about it. But I am happy where I am now and what I do. If I feel like the timing is right to do any of the planned stuff - I'll do it. But for now I feel only like doing the fist 2 things in the list whenever I feel like doing them, which is more then 50% of the time, so such passive guy like me considers them checked :).

I didnt include there "finding a girlfriend", because for some reason I dont feel like I really want her. I usually want her in Spring and stop wanting in Fall. It's seasonal with me. So, I'll probably add this task next Spring.

Meeting result

2008-10-06T22:14:00.000-07:00

So, we met and talked in a bar near her apt. She was less cute than
her photos, bad teeth and older looking. Apparently she is 37 and
looking for 35-45 y/o man, bisexual ;). We joked around and she said I
am 10 years old. It kinda hurt. This is the second time I was called a
baby by a woman. I don't know what to think of it. She told me that
she'll find me a Ukrainian girl and I said I'll fin her a Ukrainian
man if I meet him too, or a chick ;). She said no, chicks are jealous.
She asked what I do and what girl I like. I said I read books, watch
movies and walk around downtown. She asked why I don't look in
Ukrainian classifieds. I said I am not looking fir a wife just a
girlfriend. She said buy what are your long term plans. I said I don't
plan for more then a month. She laughed a lot of this. I said I am
looking for someone to watch movies and walk around the city and dine
out. She said she could do it. And I said cool my search is over and
she laughed. She said that she'll ping me when she goes to PPM so that
we go there together. I said ok.

So yeah. I don't feel anything. Only maybe some positive feelings to
have met someone from Ukraine. A chick. Smart and cute one, even if
not my match.

I meet cutie

2008-10-06T19:57:00.000-07:00

So, this Ukrainian cutie set up a meeting with me. I go there right
now. Wish me luck.

meditation too

2008-10-06T00:22:00.001-07:00

oh, and i will do meditation too. I like it. it calms me down and
clears my head. I will be like a buddhist monk. I am so excited about
me finding out what I wanna be. Oh, and I wann alive in a mobile home
in woods. I've read in a money saving book that you can buy a small
property far from city for like 10K and put a 10K mobile home there
and live well there. I wanna do it. I'll save lots of money and will
live in quiet secluded location like I wanted. I am so happy.

i figured what to do

2008-10-06T00:01:00.001-07:00

BTW, I've been thinking about what I would do when I had a million and
I realized that I would work. In free time I would read smart
non-fiction books and maybe even write ones myself. That's what I will
do now. I dont have to have 1 mil to do it, so I'll do it now. Why
work you can ask? Because I am bored when I dont work. I can read all
the time, but I'll get tired. I like to create stuff, change the
world, do challenging stuff, feel useful. Working, especially in IT
satisfies these needs. And I like reading, because I like to explore
other people ideas and create my and share them. OK, I am off to my
book...

facebook coolness

2008-10-05T17:36:00.000-07:00

Here is my latest facebook coolness. Some ukrainian chick liked my seduction style LOL. I am so happy that I finally smart enough (with your help) to seduce cuties. The only problem is that she didnt call. Maybe I should wait. And when I call she is always busy with something. So, it's like, we cannot set up a date for some reason. And this makes me exhausted, coz all this seduction and dating is so emotional and confusing, stressful, that I am always on the fence wether I want it. Like, right now, I dont call her or talk to other cuties, coz I am tired. I am taking break from relationships. I like initiative woman, who initiates date, not like with us, trying to set up something and cannot for some reason. I wish she was more initiative...

PS: I winked at her because she is Ukrainian, and we are like that. If it was American chick I would just smiled.

Dissapointed

2008-10-05T15:02:00.001-07:00

I am dissapointed in relationship. I've met this cutie on facebook,
said to her like you told me that I spend my weekends in Seattle
downtown and if she wants she can join me. We called each other back
and forth, sent emails, but cannot get together for some reason. It
only tires me. All the hoping, emotions, dissappintments it's easier
for me to be single. Or have an initiative woman. She is like me,
emails and calls me but there is always other stuff that needs to be
done so we just call and email each other. Besides this I don't really
like her. She is cute but I don't feel anything to her, she contacted
me first. I wish she was at least more initiative, told me to be there
at such time. But she is like me, cannot set up a date. It's ok, I
like being single.

I am good counselor too

2008-10-01T10:50:00.001-07:00

I am so excited, because I am a good counselor too. I had a friend at
Facebook who is politically active and he lost many friends because of
his Facebook activism, and he said that hes not gonna do it any more.
I commented with my usual smartness, coz as you know I am a good
adviser too, as my granny always says so, that yeah, its not worth it
and his friends followed up on my comment and liked it. I am so
excited that people like me and my comments and find them smart, not
only granny. I guess, this is how I'll satisfy my desire of helping
people, by consulting and counseling, like you are, but for free and
to my friends only. I dont mean that your counseling is not good, I
just have 1 life and I choose to do IT, but I'll do counseling to my
close friends in parallel. Coz you know I have this altruistic streaks
when I am happy. When I am unhappy you dont wanna feel my wrath LOL. I
posted couple of hateful blog entries again, which I removed later coz
they were too negative. It's almost like 2 persons living in me, one
good and one bad, each triggered by how happy I am. But please mind
that the bad one is bad coz he has negative thoughts, not because he
wants to hurt someone. But I am mostly in a happy mode, so I am OK.

Pants

2008-09-30T13:42:00.000-07:00

I bought 40 size pants today - change from my usual 42. And 38 size
belt instead of my 42. Yay!